Honey, are we normal?

Have you ever thought about your life style?  Rhonda and I were going to be last night and I asked her “Do you think we are normal”?  She replied “In what way”?  I said in “however you interpret the question”.  We then had a conversation about how we live our lives and the affects we have on each other, our kids, communities etc…  

Our faith colors our lives and is by far the single biggest influence in the decisions we make.  Because of our faith we don’t drink alcohol or coffee, smoke, swear or several of the other things that society accepts as “normal”.  We teach our kids about personal relationships and how intimacy is for marriage, a concept that is laughable to many.  So if we don’t do these things does that make us abnormal?  I am sure to some it might.  I have had conversations with friends who genuinely want to know about some of these beliefs.  I in turn have some genuine questions that might be a bit humorous on the surface or how I present them but would genuinely like to know.  These are items that I have looked at and tried but still don’t get it or understand the draw.    

Being a Vegetarian:  I have tried it and have honestly given it my best.   My best in this case is usually a few days.  I either don’t know how to cook vegetable correctly or I am missing some key component.  There is something about bacon on a BLT or a steak at a BBQ that salad and baked beans just does not fulfill.  I saw a bumper sticker once that was super funny:  “Vegetarians:  my food poops on your food!”  I saw a billboard one time that was for an exotic meat company.  It said “there is room for all of God’s creatures, right next to the mashed potatoes.”  These things spoke to me and struck a chord with me.  I admire anyone’s ability to stick to something they believe in, this particular item is a hard for me to see the appeal.

Dreadlocks:  I know lets tie our hair in knots, not wash it and let it turn into long rope like stands that will eventually mat together into a rug.  Ok that is really mean and not very open minded.  I have never tried to have dread locks.  Can someone help me out here?  Is there a religious significant?  Is there a cultural significant I am missing?  What is the motivation here?

Pets:  I have made it no secret that I am not an animal lover.  I enjoy raising livestock and benefits of poultry but have never had feelings for an animal.  When our chickens died or got killed I was bummed about them dying but I don’t think I would have ever described it as upset or sad.  Having a dog, cat, bird, fish, turtle, lizard, or anything else in the house seems to be just wrong.  I know, let’s bring a hair making machine with that wonderful odor and invite it into our house.  Only if I get to feed it and clean up after it goes number 2.  What joy, if I am lucky it might even scratch, bite or bring fleas into the house.  Has anyone ever had a dog that smelled good?  I have heard people say my dog does not stink.  But I have never heard “My dog smells great, I would like to bottle it and sell it”.  I have heard people say that about flowers and food (usually meat).  I just don’t get it. 

I think that should about cover it.  A personal goal I am working on is to not judge people and keep and open mind.  I pray daily to see people as God sees them in an eternal perspective.  I think the little things like this should help me move towards and overcome the bigger issues, like hiking…not a fan.

Thing I have done that you probably have not

I am totally ripping this off from my sister Dedra.  I have no real original creativity I just take others ideas and try to pretend they are my own.  This would be a good example of that.

• I have ridden a water buffalo.
• I have eaten all the parts of a fish you are supposed to throw away.  There is a reason you throw them away...they taste bad.
• I am an award winning poet.
• I once killed a rat with my umbrella.
• I skipped school and hid in my bedroom closet in the 8th grade.
• I have ridden a bull in a rodeo.
• I held lizard races with my companion on my mission.  We would catch geckos off of the walls and race them. 
• I made a bomb and blew a 3 foot crater in a field, Ryan Brunson was there it was not our most intelligent of ideas.
• I have been chased by a wild badger.
• I gave  Denzel Washington a ride when I worked at a hotel in San Francisco.
• I have been in 7 different states in 1 day.
• I invented the space shuttle.  Ok I did not do that but if you are going to lie, make it a big one.
• I had the police show up at 3 separate church youth activities I was in charge of.
• I saw someone start a forest fire.
• My car got hit by a running dog once...the dog lost. 
• I had a pet scorpion
• I found a 6 foot crocodile sitting by my hotel door once.

Bad breath and judging people

I just returned from a whirlwind trip to the beautiful state of OHIO.  I was able to visit the Kirtland Temple and get a tour which was completely awesome.

The travel part of my job can be tough, 15-20 hour days are the norm.  However I had an experience on my way home that was just funny and made me appreciate the small things in life…like a breath mint.

I got to my hotel at 12:30 Wednesday night.  My plane left at 6:00 in the morning.  This meant that I had to get up at 4:00am in order to have time to get dressed, packed, return my car and get checked in at the airport.  Keep in mind I am still operating on West coast time so I was not able to fall asleep until after 2:00am.  I got up at 4:00 with less than 2 hours of sleep and was beat.  I got checked in and they bumped me to first class and I immediately sat down put on head phones, sun glasses and went to sleep.  I don’t remember the take off or flight.  When we landed I did wake up.  This was only a 90 minute flight to South Carolina where I would get my connection back to Seattle.  My assigned seat was a window in the very last row next to the bathroom, not exactly first class.  I did not care, I just wanted to sleep.  I took out my inflatable pillow, headphones and sun glasses and was out cold in nothing flat. 

I woke up 3 hours later and started talking to the guy next to me.  I immediately noticed this guy’s bad breath.  We are not talking normal run of the mill bad breath we are talking wake the dead, make you gag, hard to concentrate slinkiness.  As soon as I was able to politely end the conversation I put my headphones back on and tried to sleep some more.  We had a couple of other conversations over the course of the flight with the same results.  After we landed I took my time getting my things put away.  I was going to be the last person off of the plane.  I took my pillow and deflated it.  The valve was pointed at my face when the air came out and it smelled like that guys bed breath.  In that moment, I realized the bad breath was not from the guy next to me it was all mine.  I had a quick feeling of guilt, then laughter and then a desire to dig for a breath mint.

As simple at this was it was a great lesson in both personal hygiene and not judging people too quickly.  You never know when the stinky funk will actually be emanating from you.   

I am not dead, Just lazy

I have a new found respect for people who can blog every day.  This takes more effort than I realized.  However I have found some really funny photos that I want to share.

When I was on my mission in the Phillippines I would ask people about this.  Most would give me a blank stare.  Then one guy told me it works if you start here.

HA HA HA HA, that is the funniest thing I have ever seen.  But I am really mean.

*I want to stay married.  No comment here.

I hate cats.  Even those that solve crime.

Photo shopped?  I hope so or that poor poor little girl. I can't imagine what her future would be like.

OH wait yes I can.

Dedra photoshop ninja in training.  I think she is only a yellow belt.

*Best representation of the sexes I have ever seen.

Bobby and the Family Judd

Robert Judd is one of my best friends we served in the Bishopric together and have been out camping more nights than I can remembers.  I want nothing but the best for Robert, yesterday was his 45 birthday I think he is like 45 but he looks 28.  Robert and his family performed at our ward talent show with his family a couple of years ago.  Me being the great friend that I am recorded his performance put it on youtube and sent links to all of his coworkers.  I thought it would be appriopriatte to dedicate todays post to him and share his masterful perfoormancee of Johny Cash's song Ring of Fire.

Whatever happened to Green Jello and Carrots?

OK I am tired of writing about passing gas.  There is a much bigger concern that needs to take precedence.  A major part of our culture that is slowly melting away and disappearing into a colorful sticky mess.   I made a joke last week at dinner and everyone over 30 laughed and no one else had any idea what I was talking about.  We were eating a jello and pudding dessert my 8 year old daughter Payton made and I asked where the green jello with carrots was.   No one had any idea what I was talking about. 

I loved going to church pot lucks as a kid and seeing the variety of jello salads.  Some had bananas, others had shredded carrots, some had fruit cocktail mixed in some even dared to add little marshmallows.  Then occasionally someone would go all about and put  cool whip topping on theirs.  The funny thing is, I did not like them as a kids and I like them even less as an adult.  I just liked looking at the creative use of the gelatinous material and how it hid or helped transport the other foods I did not like.  Its like the cook was thinking hey no one likes these items separately lets mix them together and make something even more “wonderful”.  Or more likely the thought process was “What do I need to get rid of out of the fridge that the kids won’t eat?  Nobody at church will know I brought this nasty dish anyway. 



The strawberrys make it look a lot tastier than it is!

This looks like some punch that went really really wrong!

Is that cheese? YES!  Is that marshmallows? YES! Is that fruit? YES! Is that pudding? YES! Is that all held together by jello? YES!  Was this person thinking clearly when they created this?  OH NO, Heck NO!!

Are bananas to supposed to be that color?



The funky jello salads may be fewer and further between but no worries they have been replaces with bags of chips, deli pasta salads and bags of lettuce.  All things that people will eat and all things that require little to no effort to fix.  I remember attending an elders quorum pot luck in a singles ward.  The quorum provided the burgers and buns and that was it.  The quorum members brought everything else which consisted of Ketchup packets and fries from McDonalds, 10 bags of chips and I tub of potatoes salad.  We had to use the plastic lid from the potato salad as the spoon because we forgot those as well.  Needless to say it was our last Elders Quorum Picnic.  After that we invited the relief Society and let them take care of the food we did the games. 

I guess it is not so bad seeing the jello salad concoctions go away.  I just wish that could have taken liver and onions, cottage cheese and lentils with them.

 

The MTC , For those of you who have been there you know what I am talking about

OK you can’t have a week of posts about gas and not mention the MTC.  If you are a person completely offended by this quit reading it or go on a mission and spend 3-9 weeks in the MTC.  The  MTC is one of the best experiences I have ever had.  But man do you get some serious gas.  All you do is sit in class 9 hours a day and eat in between each class.  I don’t know what they do our how it works but everybody and I mean everybody has gas.  It is a common experience to walkout of your class for your 15 minute break and find  other districts in the hall that have been gassed out by one of it members. We had one elder who would purposely go a day or two without a bowel movement so his farts would stink and we could get extra breaks in class.  This terminal case of gas cleared up a few days after we left the MTC but it was tough while you were there.  I remember once time Elder Claire let one go and we vacated the classroom.  We closed the door behind us and went on a walk.  We came back 10-15 minutes later opened the door and turned around and went for another walk.   We might have been Elders and ordained servants of God but we are all still 19 year old boys.